Rantings of a woman who  isn't what she is.

She had a hard day. She was having tough times. Its been almost 6 months now.things were simply not falling into place.she was spending sleepless nights,for she was scared to sleep at night. She might miss his call. A call that would never come. But she expected against all odds.Optimism,she said. Stupidity it is. Realism is what she lived by. But where was it now? She spent her days on coffee and chocolate.Football and music kept her sane.but for how long? She was feeling used. She was feeling sick.some asshole motherfucker had thrown away her itu:  her stuffed toy tiger. She clutched on to her teddy tightly, hoping that it will all be fine. The hope that anyone would have lost but not her. It was her insanity, her madness for him; they said. It is my passion, my love she said.

I need a fucking cigarette now. I should get moving now. By moving, I mean I should go and get that glass of vodka and relax. Maybe drunk dial Kazimir. Its cute. Calling someone when drunk is cute, not obscene for me. When someone is drunk as fuck and can still manage to call you and talk, that is a thumbs up from me. And also the added funs of watching someone fuck up and blabber every single thing about themselves. That is nice! And it’s like I don’t know. Maybe Kazimir just doesn’t trust me enough. Or maybe he doesn’t treat me as the “mature adult” I really can be. I can deal with his stuff. I have dealt with greater demons. I fought with them; I built my own and inflicted upon others. And as Khalil Gibran says “Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls, the most massive characters have seared with scars.” I have fallen, risen and fallen again. But I won’t give up. Maturity and being strong isn't about holding on to the past mistakes. It isn’t about being in love with love with people just because they have been a part of your life for a long time. It isn’t about being afraid to make a decision because someone is going to get hurt. Thinking that delaying the decision would make it easier eventually is stupid. Poor decision I must say. The axe of guillotine will drop eventually and someone’s life (or head) will be screwed. Sometimes a decision has to be taken. Morally to keep in balance with societal dynamics. It is about understanding that past is past. It is over. People who came in your life and have exited now have done so for a reason. They made you who you are and be thankful to them. At the same time you have to let them go. People who have left are not coming back; souls who have departed have attained their salvation. Let them go. Be free. Live in “now” So if you think that I am the one being kiddish because I am holding on to my teddy, do not forget that you made me go back to it. you are it. I sometimes wish I never met you all. Never got it  with Him. Oh ya,I still love Him. And yes he is my whisky. But then, life wouldn’t have been the way it is. I just wish I can meet Him once. Closure you know? And maybe some sex.  So thats it for now.